well shit .lets start off where my life went to shit. February 13th 2003. the day i was born i know what you’re thinking . how the fuck did you’re life go wrong a few hrs after birth? well it was actually the day my moms life went to shit .you see my mom had 2 kids before me . Nicole and Haley , Haley was 10 and Nicole was 6 everything was good. my mom came to visit Ohio and ended up having a one night stand with some dude { aka my sperm donor} then she went back home to Tennessee and saw my grandmother who we call nay. my mom found out she was pregnant and ran away back to Ohio to hide the fact because my nay was already disappointed in her for having 2 kids by 2 different baby daddy’s and i would be the 3rd while my mom was only 27. so she kept me a secret, my nay and “dot dot” as they wanted me to call him but i call him Jeff, Jeff is a dick. my mom told my “dad” and i use that word loosely and he didn’t want me because he already had 2 other kids and a wife. so …. i was born with no one there but my mom and her friend and my sisters. nay found out. nay was mad. eventually nay forgave mom. easy. simple .right? ya no not easy or simple… my nay hates me but that’s later on in my story and another blog. after i was born we lived in Ohio for 2 years then moved back home to Tennessee. mom met dad or who i thought was my dad . now ex dad so lets just use his name mark… mom met mark and they started dating and he raised me as he was my dad and my mom and everyone told me he was my dad and i believed them, they got married when i was 6 divorced when i was 8. you see mark was a alcoholic and a pill head . and very mentally abusive to all of us and every now n then physically abusive. when my mom and mark separated they told me he wasn’t my dad …. it hurt … really bad but he told me blood or not i was still his daughter and that made me happy . me mom and Nicole moved back to Ohio and Haley was off to collage . Nicole was a rebel kid with a drug habit so we moved to help her .i wasn’t to mad about the move i always got to go back down there to see mark and i introduced him to Jackie. i loved Jackie she was funny and pretty and super cool. or so i thought. long story short 1 week before i was suppose to go to his house for Christmas he texted my mom and said he has made a new family with Jackie and never wants to see me again. when my mom told me abt it i already knew it was coming idk how i knew but i did .i acted like i wasn’t hurt but i was . i was very very very fucking hurt and it didn’t hit me till i was abt 10. as i was dealing with my dad leaving ,my sisters addiction and my mom out every night with different men because she cant be alone and picks men over her kids 24/7 in the 4th grade i was raped …. for the first time . it was on the school bus me and this way older boy was the last ones to get off and his uncle was the driver .. it started off as bullying then came into grabbing and touching…. he would always tell me i was “very well developed” for my age …. i didn’t understand what was happening but i knew it was wrong. he was friends with my sister and she was always hanging out with him because he lived right down the road . he told me if i told anyone him and his uncle would kill ad do what hes doing to me to my mom and sister.i was in 4th grade … and dealing with a lot and i believed him … so i never told anyone …. he raped me and molested me for a whole school year . i was broken inside and couldn’t tell anyone. i felt no one loved me . and no one cared so i started punching things to cause pain to myself but i didn’t know what self harm was i just knew it helped …..it was a really shitty time and i think it fucked me up more in the long time than it did then . but ill talk about the more resent issues in another blog . this shits prob really fucking long and i doubt anyone will ever read all of this or any of this but aye. whatever

see ya fuckers – lexxx